It was a typical Sunday dinner at Dad’s. Here we were, three of us, sitting at the right hand of the father—Harold—who was in his usual spot at the head of the table. And there he was, with his perfect posture and commanding presence, taking pride in having turned out another meticulously-executed meal. Dad had been sitting at this same table, in this same room, with the same air of authority for over 50 years. (Dad and Mom built the house as newlyweds, then went on to have seven children. My siblings and I now took turns visiting Dad on Sundays, to check in and keep him company since our mother died a few years earlier).
On this particular day the visitors were my older brother Gregory, my wife Donna, and me. We had just consumed Dad’s homemade bean soup (“Eat it before it gets cold”) his pork roast and okra (“with wonderful nerve-stimulating nutrients”) and rye bread freshly-purchased from a prime bakery (“supermarket bread is stinko.”).
I can’t imagine what an outsider would think if he/she observed the scene. Our house was a classic brick Colonial that housed a family of eight in its heyday. Our mother had taken great pride in making each room’s furnishings well-appointed and tasteful. Our father, on the other hand, now ran the house as if it were a gas station. Dad always had some kind of “fix-it” project underway, usually involving his three favorites: Screws, wire and adhesive tape (and maybe a rubber band or two). Sometimes he would center his efforts around an item found in the street, proudly displaying his ingenuity at getting the best possible value out of…nothing. Not only was his place at the table usually strewn with unknown inanimate objects, but his personal placemat—which he had chosen as a replacement for all the decorative ones given to him as gifts throughout the years—was a white laminate square, apparently part of a piece of furniture someone was throwing out. Dad liked its practicality and durability. He said it was easy to wipe clean and able to withstand blows from the hammer, a crucial point since Dad did most of his “tinkering” in this very spot.
As I was cleaning up Dad’s “personal space” at the dinner table, wiping off his perfect square of a placemat, I noticed three tin can lids recently removed from the can opener sitting next to his used napkin. They were bent in half, resembling a half-moon. Donna and I looked at each other, baffled, wondering what Dad could possibly be using them for. Maybe a home made money clip?
I thought, I’ve got to get rid of these fast before the sharp edges hurt somebody. But wait. It’s Harold’s three-foot personal space, so I’d better ask just in case.
I didn’t have to. As Dad came back from the kitchen, his eyes lit up brightly with great excitement. Before I could get a word out, he happily said, “Oh, you found my invention!” Shit! Here we go again……“I use this with my toothbrush! You know how the bristles start to spread out away from the brush? Well, I put the brush in between my invention here… (to demonstrate, he took the bent-in-half can lid from my almost-severed hand…it was as sharp as a new razor blade)….and I leave it there, pressing the bristles back into place. It works in about an hour!”
“Gee, Dad,” I asked. “Did you read about this in a newspaper?”
“Nooooooh, Son!” he said proudly. “I made this up on my own.” As we held back the laughter in shock, Gregory reappeared from his jaunt to the upstairs bathroom, and Dad went over the whole thing again.
Take a look:
loved it
Wow! That’s neat, and goes especially well with the pink & maroon tiles, which we had in our old bathroom when I lived in Brooklyn with my parents. I think he was onto something there and can’t help but believe he might have done well to send for an “Inventor’s Kit” because my father also hated when his tootbrush got what we referred to as “shreddy”. Maybe it was a generational thing!
That bathroom was so classic that when we renovated the house we kept the bathroom intact, pink and maroon tiles and all! Dad was so proud of this invention that we found a bunch he had saved rusting in the garage. We saved them anyway, in case a guest needs one.
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And wot’s wrong with this practical and innovative response to toothbrush wear? ; [
I’m so convinced this product will be a “winner” (as my father would say) that I carry one in my pocket…along with a box of bandaids.
Now that is sheer brilliance!! Did he get a patent?
Back in my father’s day, nobody got a patent (nobody wore seat belts either). Thanks for your comments on FB!
I read every story and laughed with recognition and amusement at each one. My favorite line, of course, is “the three of us sitting at the right hand of the father”, which says it all.
Thanks, Nancy! Living in Long Beach, you probably saw my father on one of his many jaunts to do his “power walking” on the boardwalk. He was so well-known there that even the cops would stop and say hello to him.
My dad use to put ice cream sticks on his fingers with duck tape to stop his fingers from curling from the Arthritis.
These are such great stories. I’m happy to hear you and your siblings can laugh about all your dads idiosyncrasies!
Thanks, Jeanne! Growing up, we had to learn how to laugh without showing it…otherwise we would have been sent up to our rooms.
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